Being Well-mannered?
Can you all give me tips to be well-mannered? I was never really taught manners in school (public) and now I get to college and I find at the business school I tend to be much ruder than other people. My own parents tell me I have poor manners. I feel really bad, like I don't mean to be this way and I want to change.
Any tips/ advice?
There are legitimately people you can hire or classes you can take to teach you.
it's not the best, but some john bridges books are good. here are the main faux pas I see people (old and young) doing in professional situations which are easily fixed.
out of curiosity, where do you think you're being rude? manners is a broad topic, a little more data would be helpful
Not a bad list. Honestly, employ a variant of the Golden Rule. If you don't want to see someone else performing an action, or hear them talk about something, that is probably something you should avoid doing yourself. It's not 100% effective and you might not graduate the Emily Post Institute, but it'll be enough that no one is going to remember you as "that guy" which is really what you should be trying to avoid.
Poor manners I think. I also feel bad because I feel like I disappoint my parents and I don't know what to do :
right, but in what specific situations do you exhibit poor manners? and what behaviors would be called poor manners? that's what I mean by being specific
Poor manners I think. I also feel bad because I feel like I disappoint my parents and I don't know what to do :
It sounds like there are deeper issues than just manners.
This is a great list. I'd add a few.
First Impressions are huge, if you win this the rest will be much easier. Handshake: Firm but comfortable, meet at their level. Don't fucking close your hand around the other person's fingers too early before your palms meet. This is the absolute worst and if someone does this to me I am instantly turned off. Make eye contact.
Body Language: Beyond posture, present yourself confidently but open to who you are addressing. Don't cross your arms and don't fidget.
Know your own tendencies and make a conscious effort to balance yourself out. I have RBF sometimes when fatigued or while concentrating, I make an effort to smile and make good eye contact when I first meet someone and when they engage me. If you naturally smile a ton consider making an effort to curb that when appropriate so people know you are serious and sincere.
Grooming/Hygiene: Get this figured out and make it habit. Respect yourself and others will be more likely to do the same.
Don't chew gum. Have a mint instead if necessary.
Keep your phone in your pocket.
I love performing fellatio and cunnilingus at the dentist
Some very useful tips! Thanks for the update
Peter Post has a good book, Essential Manners for Men.
He is the great-grandson of Emily Post, who is famous for writing about etiquette.
In America is is not only customary but looked favorably upon when you have to use a urinal choose the one closest to the person already there. Bonus points if you look over the divide and stare at his appendage while giving the thumbs up. Everyone appreciates a compliment.
I've been doing it wrong. usually I'll look at it from multiple angles and go "that it? damn"
helps to assert dominance
mark your territory by peeing on them instead of the urinal. Downside: they might be into it
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you must learn to tame a wild stallion. make him your steed. the rest will follow.
It's all good, if you're going for risk management you won't need manners.
Mainly I want to be mannered around my parents st least. Still live with them and feel like I disappoint them a lot.
WSO is an awesome website with lots of smart people but I am not sure if it should be the go to place if you want to learn about manners.
Whrte rose do I go? Public school doesn’t teach manners but apparently used to which is why my parents expect me to have it.
Some people have already touched on this, but the first step is definitely being self-aware, and learning to not be a negative externality to other people. Chew with your mouth closed, don't slurp soup or coffee or whatever you're drinking, don't smell bad, don't walk slow on a sidewalk if everyone else is speeding past you, etc. I know I find all of the things I just listed annoying, and lots of other people do too, so if you can prevent yourself from pissing off others, I think that's a great first step.
Other things I can think of off the top of my head once you get that down, take your hat off indoors, hold the door open for people, sit upright (don't slouch), let people off elevators before you get on, say excuse me when you need to, treat staff/sales associates/etc well.
It’s seen as very rude to reject an offer to get POUNDED by your MD
Empathy. This is no offense meant, but everyone has a different capacity for empathy and each person should be aware of what their level is. Some people physically cry just thinking about the plight of XYZ, and some other people will roll over others with tanks. Not everyone is equally empathetic.
if this is resonating with you, ("I have challenges putting myself in others' shoes") you can approach it analytically instead of emotionally if it doesn't come natural. Think cause-effect: if you did X, how would this person respond (or feel)? What if you did Y? Is doing X or Y significantly more difficult for you? If not, then consider what will maximize the best outcome for the other party. For example, if I'm assigning work to someone, the way in which I do it doesn't make a big difference to me, but it could make a big difference to that person.
If you're not convinced and need a burning platform: you will have significantly worse life and career outcomes if you don't solve this problem now. All senior level jobs are based on interpersonal interaction and you will have to improve your attitude to have a positive relationship at home and at work.
TLDR: You have to force yourself to consider cause-effect if you're not naturally empathetic.
This! I grew up with unemotional parents which naturally made me less empathetic towards others problems. For example, in situations like the below:
-Someone telling me a big life moment like the birth of a child -Someone letting me know about a tragic situation like a death in the family
My natural inclination is not to say "Congratulations, that's awesome" or "I'm sorry to hear," but rather to brush over it and talk about something else like work. I've been called out on it by friends before, so I've tried to get better about acknowledging these things (partially so that I don't seem like an emotionless robot but also so I better my treatment of others).
Due to my upbringing I was instilled manners and ettiqute, partially through dinner with my parents or golf... As of current I am dating a girl that doesn't put her napkin on her lap at Nobu... I hope someone can feel my pain.
I drive a rusty honda, fart a lot, and work in S&T. Does that help at all?
Your argument that I don;t have to have manners to be successful in life while true is not what I'm looking for. I actually want to improve.
To improve be respectful, clean, self servant yet holding your own ground, say thank you please and a smile. Be self observant of your actions and the reaction those get around you to judge your room, be reflective
Currently working PT during the semester at a high-end restaurant where my usual tables are business dinners or meetings of some sort. You'd be surprised how rude some of these people can be even around their clients.
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